Can’t resist including a few poems and quotes on motherhood to celebrate the day.

First, a favorite, “Mother to Son” by Langston Hughes. My mom used to quote the first line to me regularly in response to my complaining that some task or assignment was too hard. Sometimes she’d say it sweetly, sometimes wryly, sometimes in a joking manner, but it never failed to remind me that hard didn’t mean impossible.

Mother to Son
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor –
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now –
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

Here’s a well-known poem which extolls the power of motherhood:

They say that man is mighty,
He governs land and sea,
He wields a mighty spectre,
O’er lesser powers that be,
But a mightier power and stronger,
Man from his throne has hurled,
For the hand that rocks the cradle,
Is the hand that rocks the world.

William Ross Williams

A couple of thoughtful quotes on parenting:

“A good mother loves fiercely but ultimately brings up her children to thrive without her. They must be the most important thing in her life, but if she is the most important thing in theirs, she has failed.”
― Erin Kelly, The Burning Air

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. -Jill Churchill

And finally, “The Parent”, by Ogden Nash, which can bring a smile to our faces when we are too through with our children:

The Parent
Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore,
 And that’s what parents were created for.

Hope all you Moms had a great day!

My favorite teacher from my elementary school was Mrs. Portia Paterson of Public School 116 in Queens, New York. Mrs. Paterson was my third grade teacher, and even though third grade was a ridiculously long time ago for me, I can still easily remember her warm, sweet nature, her expectations of best efforts and success from her students, and how much I looked forward to every day in her class. She was (and still is) married to attorney Basil Paterson, a New York City and State political leader. Basil Paterson was a colleague and friend of my late father, and it was especially thrilling to see Mrs. Paterson every once in a while away from school. Mrs. Paterson was my first African-African teacher, and she and her husband were great role models for our third grade class. I still run into her every so often now and it is still thrilling to see her and give her a hug. Thanks Mrs. Paterson!

Ms. Eliza Kuberska of Hunter College High School immediately comes to mind when I think about my children’s special teachers. She was my daughter’s seventh grade honors math teacher. Ms. Kuberska LOVES math, and her enthusiasm for the subject and her students was unending and irresistible. She is Polish, and while her command of English was flawless, her quick wit was delivered with an adorable accent. I went to see her to talk about a segment of the class my daughter was struggling with, and to talk generally about how we could help my daughter feel less anxious about taking tests (and do better on them). After I poured out my concerns about quelling my daughter’s anxiety, Ms. Kuberska responded with a mischievous grin: “I know what I must do. I must make more scary tests! Lots of scary tests. This will be good for her.” She smiled at my horrified expression (this certainly was not the answer I was looking for) and explained that if she gave more tests, the import of each would be less, and the class would be less focused on the grades and more on mastering the material. By learning to tackle and conquer “scary tests”‘ (which they would go over in great detail during and after class), she explained, it would give my daughter the confidence to approach difficult looking new material.

I walked away from that conversation convinced I had succeeded in dashing any hope my daughter had in improving in math. More scary tests–yikes. But Ms. Kuberska was right. She cheerily gave the class more tests and quizzes, assuring them that the goal was to learn, and that they were being given more chances to make sure they understood the material. With her help and enthusiastic support, my daughter succeeded in her math class. Thanks in part to those scary tests, she went on to excel in honors math throughout high school. It was a pleasure to watch Ms. Kuberska in action. Thanks Ms. Kuberska!

GCP readers, in honor of National Teacher Day, tell us about your favorite teachers. The favorites you had and the ones you loved for your children. We want to hear your stories! And if you are in your son’s (or daughter’s) school today, make a special effort to greet and thank a teacher whom you admire and appreciate. As we all know, their work is vitally important and invaluable.

The show is hosted by Kal Penn, most well known as an actor (the “Harold and Kumar” films and a regular on the tv series “House”) but whose resume also includes a recent two year stint as the Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement and an adjunct professorship at the University of Pennsylvania. The regular and guest judges include experts in renewable energy and robotics as well as astronauts and inventors. The show follows the contestants (which include one young man with an awesome Afro) as they work on the various challenges and captures the tension, excitement and angst of their creative process.

The show’s website, found here, has a lot of interesting information about the show and its participants. It also includes some Brain Games which you and your children can try. Check it out, and make a note to check out the show’s debut with your children. It comes on fairly late (10pm Eastern Standard Time), so you might want to record it and watch it with them at a more convenient time. Let us know what you think!

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Looking for an excellent summer camp or travel program? Consider the following, all of which my family has loved:

Independent Lake Camp

https://independentlake.com/

My daughter adored this sleepaway camp for five years, starting when she was ten. You can choose the number of weeks your child stays, from two to nine weeks (for kids aged 6 to 17). A sprawling camp along a beautiful lake in Orson, PA (Pocono Mountains), ILC offers the usual swimming (lake or pool), sports, horseback riding, fine arts, drama, music, hiking, camping, etc. But the highlights of this camp are twofold:
1) the circus program (my daughter is now an expert flying trapeze artist–without lines!) in which kids learn everything from riding unicycles and juggling to clowning and tightrope walking
2) the multicultural, multi-geographical staff and campers: The Magic teacher might be a black man from England. A counselor might be a Chinese woman from Australia. Your child might be able to practice French or Spanish with bunkmates from Paris or Caracas–or compare notes on city life with fellow campers from Philly and LA.

Institute for Spanish Language Studies

http://www.isls.com/

When my daughter was 14, she lived with a family in Costa Rica, studied Spanish, and volunteered at an orphanage and a senior center, as part of the community service camp. The nice thing about the teen program in Costa Rica is that kids can select one-week increments, so, for instance, they could spend a week in the community service camp, a week in the surf camp, and in week at the travel camp. Or they could spend three or four weeks in one camp. The students in the different camps all get together on weekends for white water rafting, hiking, etc. Cooking and dance classes are among evening activities.

The Experiment in International Living

http://www.experimentinternational.org/

One of the most memorable experiences of my life was living with a family in a small red-dirt-road town in Mexico, studying Spanish, and traveling around the country–when I was 15 (a couple of years ago). This summer, my 15-year-old daughter is doing the Peru program: She’ll be living with a family in an Afro-Peruvian, Indo-Peruvian area, performing community service, and studying Spanish. The Experiment has a variety of other high school student programs in the Americas as well as in Africa, Asia, and Europe, from language study (French, Italian, Japanese) and eco-adventure to culinary exploration and arts immersion.

And if you live in or close to New York City:

Day Camp in the Park

http://www.daycampinthepark.com/

In peaceful Harriman State Park, this lakeside camp has snagged my son with all kinds of sports, water activities, art, drama, theater, and nature (deer hang out under the main building, which is on stilts). The rustic waterfront setting and the cabins make it feel like a sleepaway camp–but every day the kids get DOOR-TO-DOOR transportation between home and the camp, about 45 minutes from Manhattan!

Please let me know if you’re planning to apply to any of these programs or camps!

Rachel Christmas Derrick
rcderrick.nyc@gmail.com

As we contemplate the myriad of summer camp options available for our children it is very helpful to read these glowing recommendations. If you haven’t signed up your son or daughter for a summer program yet, you should consider these. Thanks so much Rachel!

This is a good story for many reasons, not the least of which is that I am a big Knicks fan. (Go Knicks!) But what I really like about this story is the lessons it offers us and our children. A lesson about having the determination to make a difficult situation better, and most significantly, a lesson about the power of a good mentor.

J.R. Smith is a talented player who developed a reputation early in his career for being a loose cannon on and off the court. When Smith joined the Knicks last year, Coach Woodson knew that Smith needed a different perspective. Woodson told the NY Times that he began by helping Smith look the part of a team player: “I want his shorts pulled up. I want him to look presentable, be a professional.” Woodson also knew that he didn’t want Smith to start. He strategized that Smith would be more helpful to the team and to himself if he came off the bench, and told Smith this on the first day of the Knicks pre season training camp.

Smith was not happy with this news. As he told USA Today Sports, “Once I heard I wasn’t starting it threw a monkey wrench into my goals.” He didn’t like Woodson’s explanation that “it’s not a matter of who starts but who finishes the game,” and that he wanted Smith to come off the bench to execute winning plays for the Knicks. But Smith figured out how to swallow his disappointment and anger, put things in perspective, and over time accepted his role. And he has become a better player for it, as evidenced by the Knick’s strong performance in the latter half of this season, and Smith’s being voted as the best sixth man in the league.

Smith had tremendous professional and personal growth this season: he faced a difficult situation, learned to accept it, focused on a goal bigger than his individual desire, and success followed. But key to this was having Woodson as a mentor. Some might say that this is just part of a coach’s job, but Woodson took a focused interest in helping Smith change his ways. He assessed Smith’s strengths and weaknesses, engineered a plan to use Smith’s talents to maximize team effort, and guided Smith along the path to becoming a more mature and better player.

The power of mentoring was also greatly in evidence at the Big Brothers Big Sisters of NYC’s fundraising benefit which I attended a few nights ago. Their mission is to provide children facing adversity in New York City with professionally supported 1-to-1 mentoring relationships with adults. This organization, which has been facilitating such mentoring relationships for over 108 years, proudly declares as their motto that their mentoring work has “The Power to Change Lives”. We saw this in action that night as three pairs of “Bigs” (the mentors) and their “Littles” (the children) introduced themselves, talked about their mentoring relationship, and introduced the honorees for the evening.

Watching those adorable, well spoken “littles” (one of whom proudly proclaimed that his favorite Knick was J.R. Smith, by the way) confidently tell the packed room how much they admired and appreciated their “Bigs”, and hearing the “Bigs” say how rewarding it was to spend time with and learn from their “littles” was truly inspirational. No doubt that these are life changing relationships.

So as you are watching the Knicks sweep the playoffs(!), and J.R. Smith makes an impressive move on the court, chat with your sons (and daughters) about how he got there, and the lessons he learned along the way. Remind them that everyone can benefit from the power of mentoring.

Our thoughts and best wishes are with everyone affected by this terrible circumstance.

The numbers of children diagnosed with A.D.H.D. is likely to rise even higher because the American Psychiatric Association plans to change the definition of A.D.H.D. to allow more people to receive the diagnosis and treatment. While some doctors view the increase in diagnoses and the move to expand the definition as an indication that the illness is being more readily recognized and treated, other doctors are concerned that even at current levels, the diagnosis is being made and drugs are being prescribed too hastily, and it will only get worse. Dr. William Graf, a pediatric neurologist in New Haven and a professor at the Yale School of Medicine notes in the NY Times article , “Mild symptoms are being diagnosed so readily, which goes well beyond the disorder and beyond the zone of ambiguity to pure enhancement of children who are otherwise healthy.” C.D.C. director, Dr. Thomas R. Frieden agreed. “We need to ensure balance,” Dr. Frieden said. “The right medications for A.D.H.D., given to the right people, can make a huge difference. Unfortunately, misuse appears to be growing at an alarming rate.” Moreover, doctors note, some parents are pressuring doctors to help with their children’s troublesome behavior and slipping grades. “There’s a tremendous push where if the kid’s behavior is thought to be quote-unquote abnormal — if they’re not sitting quietly at their desk — that’s pathological, instead of just childhood,” said Dr. Jerome Groopman, a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. Certainly the far greater number of boys than girls being diagnosed would support this notion.

On the other hand, however, many of us know children who have been diagnosed with A.D.H.D and have received medication which has helped them progress from being distracted and frustrated students to happier and more successful ones. The diagnostic process is not medically driven: the disorder has no definitive test and is determined only by speaking extensively with patients, parents and teachers and ruling out other possible causes. I’ve spoken with parents who have gone through the process of having their children receive this diagnosis, and they are generally satisfied with the process and their children’s response to the medication. Trying to get a distracted and bouncy child to sit still and do homework night after night is no joke. But if doctors are too quick to diagnose A.D.H.D., how can parents determine whether their child is just naturally bouncy, which would lead parents to seek more natural outlets for this energy, or whether their child needs to be medicated?

GCP will continue looking into this issue. Meanwhile, GCP readers, what do you think? Have you had any direct experience with the A.D.H.D. testing process? Do you believe that teachers, parents and/or doctors are too focused on labeling our kids (especially boys) A.D.H.D.? Or are doctors and educators correctly recognizing and identifying an issue which has been ignored for generations?? Please let us hear from you!!

Earlier today ESPN released their on camera interview with Louisville basketball player Kevin Ware, his first after breaking his leg during Louisville’s game against Duke on Sunday. In case you haven’t heard (hard to imagine in my NCAA crazed household): Ware suffered an extremely bad break while playing in the game, twisting and breaking his leg in a horrific way. His terrible injury horrified the coaches and both teams, bringing them instantly to hysterical tears and bringing the game to a halt as he was attended to and as players tried to collect themselves. (Warning: Don’t watch the video of this injury that is floating around the internet unless you have an extremely strong stomach, and even then I wouldn’t recommend watching it, as it is heart breaking. And do not encourage your sons to watch it, either. Guaranteed to scare them silly.)

As he lay on the court in shock, Ware kept repeating to his coach and his teammates, “I’m going to be fine. Just go win this game.” The Louisville players pulled themselves together, won the game, and sent the trophy over to Ware’s hospital room so he could see it when he came out of surgery. The very good news is that Ware’s surgery was very successful. He is already out of the hospital and walking on crutches, and is expected to make a full recovery.

Even if you couldn’t care less about basketball (again, hard to imagine these days, but I know that there are some of you out there), you have got to watch Ware’s interview, which you can find here. This is an extraordinarily impressive young man, who has been overwhelmed by the national outpouring of support, but whose calm and centered demeanor shines through. To hear him describe himself as a not very emotional, quiet guy, and then to watch him go on to passionately and eloquently describe his feelings about his teammates and his coach after his ordeal is tremendously moving. While he is still amazed at the extent of his injury, he believes that everything happens for a reason and is prepared to do whatever it takes to return to the court. His grit and determination are inspirational, and brought to mind the wise words of Dr. King.

Show your sons this video as well. Show them this strong young man who is dealing with adversity as we would all want our sons (and ourselves) to: with dignity and grace. Regardless of how the Final Four shakes out, and despite his current challenge, Kevin Ware is already a champion.

Sleep away Camp: At some point, often sooner than you expect, your son may ask you about going to a sleep away camp. He may have heard about it from a friend whose older siblings have gone, or perhaps he just thinks it would be fun adventure that he’d like to try. Sleep away camps generally have programs which can range from a 1 week stay to an 8 week stay. Usually the camps which offer the longest stays do not allow children to opt for a shorter stay. Sometimes the 7 or 8 week camps may have a 4 week option, but rarely for a shorter period. Sleep away camps can have a single focus (e.g., sports) or include a variety of activities for your son to try.

A common question parents have as they begin to look into sleep away camps is: Is my son ready? Parent’s magazine has developed a short quiz, found here, to help you answer this question. Much of this decision turns on how independent your son is, how easily he adapts to new situations, and the strength of his desire to go. It is important to remember that even if you are ready for him to try camp and are tempted to really encourage him, it should be his decision to go.

How to Find The Right Camp?

Suggestions as to where to send your son to sleep away camp can be found all over: on-line, in most family magazines, at local camp fairs, from friends whose families have been going to the same camp forever, from parents at school who have loved (or hated) their child’s camp experience. One shortcut you may want to take to use a camp advisory service. These services provide consultants who can listen to the list of things you are looking for in a camp and make a recommendation as to what camp might be good for your son. Many of these advisory services are free of charge to the families. Should you choose to use an advisor, you should feel free to discuss any criteria you deem important. When I spoke with a counselor about camp for one of my sons, I wanted to be sure that we looked at camps with diverse populations, and the advisor was very helpful with this request. There are many camp advisory services available. A good one to try is Tips on Trips and Camps, which as its name suggests offers advice on all sorts of summer programs for your children.

Day Camps: If your child wants his summer days filled with activities but doesn’t want sleep away camp, day camps are the way to go. He can learn new skills, find new interests, make new friends, and sleep in his own bed at night. Finding a good camp for your son also takes some time and effort. It is helpful to get recommendations from friends, but it is important to consider whether the camp will work for your child. A recent article from Manhattan Family magazine, found here, offers tips for finding the right day camp for your child. It suggests that you pay close attention to the schedules offered at the day camps, consider the costs (and whether scholarship or financial assistance is available), and explore open houses offered by the camps. Manhattan Family also offers a very helpful list of questions to ask camp administrators before choosing a camp, which can be found here.

More to come on camps. But if you haven’t gotten started on this already, time to get going!!

The Urban Prep Academy network has expanded since GCP reported their success last year (“And Now For Some Good News from Urban Academy Prep”, April 3, 2012), and now boasts three all male charter schools in the Chicago area. These college bound seniors attend two of the three Urban Prep Academy schools; the third school will graduate its first class next year. The Huffington Post covered their celebration of this event in an article which can be found here.

The all-male preparatory charter school network was founded in 2006. At that time, only four percent of its freshman class at its flagship Englewood campus was reading at grade level at the start of the school year. By 2010, all 107 of its graduating seniors were headed for college or university programs. 85 percent of the students at Urban Prep’s campuses come from low-income families and many of the students start at least two grade levels behind where they should be. All of this year’s graduates are African American males, as are the majority of the network’s students.

How are these students succeeding? The old fashioned way, with a lot of hard work. CEO Urban Prep’s founder and CEO Tim King dismisses talk of the “magical” success rates of his students, noting, “the only magic going on at Urban Prep is the magic that these guys put in with their hard work and dedication.”

Check out the pictures in the Huff Po article of these young men beaming at the celebration of their college bound status. They are proud of themselves, as they should be. And we are proud of them as well! Congrats to them all.